After coming state-side: Well life in the Pacific islands not very interesting.We work,go to Misa,go to palengke,but everything is still the same.We hear stories of coming state-side,and think life will be perfect here.When I was in Samoa,I knew my family was near,all the family;tima,tata,lolu and lola;all living together.There is a lot of things we don't have,but there is love,the most important thing.It was easy to come to mainland,Samoa is U.S. territory.Welcome to America;1991 in Honolulu,Hawai'i.Polynesian people were everywhere,I only stayed for 2 weeks,then went to California;my father and mother were going to come soon after me.Polynesians everywhere in Cali too."Sige-Sige" was also there and so happy to welcome their brother.I joined in,I was young and didn't know any better.Shabu,sirbesa;I was working 12 hours every day at a Lao/Hmong restaurant,so I needed it.2 years pass,and my sister heard that me and a fellow gangsta was in trouble for stealing car stereos.This guy was in more trouble than me because I was only watching him.My sister lived in New Jersey,and my parents said I had to go work and not get in trouble with gangs to,so I went there.It was too malamig for me,and my ate's husband did not like me,so I went to Georgia.My sister's husband had some family in Georgia,and she knew some Asian people there too.

March,1993 I am in Conyers,Georgia.I got a job at "Food Depot";a local grocery store.I was make $4.25 an hour and that seemed good to me;in Cali,I worked only for a place to live and sometimes I had some tip to save for myself.While working in Food Depot,I saw a very beautiful girl who was Pinay.She looked like girl I saw back home,and who I had dreamed maybe someday I would sing her a song,and she open her window.Oh well,that will never happen,I am in America now.This girl came with her family to Food Depot,but I never had much chance to talk to her.I was on break drinking my "vai niu" from a coconut,when O----- and her family walk out the door I was standing there,They talking to each other and I heard the word "niyug",it sound like close to my language;so I had to talk to them.Up to this time Mexican people were my only friends;but I missed so much my Polynesian way.So this is how our story began,and this would influence my life forever.I also saw her,and her sister working at "Shoneys";a local restaurant.I never had a chance to go and meet people.I tried to stay busy so I could make money and not think about being lonely.It was 2 years later that I finaly talked more to this girl.She was at "Publix Grocery" to get a job,and so was I.While working with her,we became good friend.I learned more about her and that she was planning to get married soon.End of 1995,she was married,and I decided to leave Georgia.Partly because her husband I think was jealious of me and I didn't much like Georgia anyway.January 12,1996;we sat in Shoneys and I told her I was leaving the next day;the look on her face that day I will never forget,I saw sadness,but there was nothing I could do.I went to Ft.Lauderdale,Florida.There was a lot of Pinoy Asians and my sister had friends there,also Publix would transfer me to the store there.I liked Florida,there were palm trees like back home,Asian food and karaoke,but I was still homesick and still thinking of my friend in Georgia.I could never forget her,for the first time since coming to America,I was care for someone.

I went back to California to visit 2 weeks in May,1996.I talked to my family about my friend who I had grown to love.I do not want to mention her name here,but listen to the song "Memory Of You",and you will know who she is.While visiting in Cali,a Gayuma woman met me and was talking to me about my life,she told me that my friend in Georgia was having lot of problems and that some day I would need to help her,and that it was no coincidence that I saw her so many times and was always think of her.She also said that it not matter that I was Samoan-Latino and my friend Filipina,she said we all spoke the same language a long time ago.I decided to visit Georgia in August,1996.This girl was truly having problems,but she was married,and I did not want to get involved;Filipino way is marriage is for life.Now back in Florida after my visit to Georgia,I went to karaoke almost every night,every song I sang I would think of her.Some of the song sounded so good,the DJ sent a recording to the local Filipino radio program.Then the radio station later asked me to help in their "Good Morning Kabayan" program,and I was also working at "Aristocrat Restaurant"(not related to the one back home).These were the best jobs I ever had.Most of my friends were Filipino,and I learned so much about the culture and language,this was the closest thing to Samoan way,only about 20,000 people still speak Samoan,and we are all mix of Polynesian,Spanish,European,and other Pacific islands people.

I talked to my friend on the phone and in December,I went back to Georgia.I gave up the best job I had,but love can make you do some crazy things.She was working at Shoneys and so I decided to get a job there too.Then later I got a job at "Sweetheart Plastics",she was also work there.Working all night and seeing all those red-neck Americans was so depressing,but at least I could see my friend.So many times I worried about her,because she not look happy,but when I talk to her,she smile.In 1998 she decided to get divorce,and by this time I knew her family very well.

1998 was a good year,we talked and went places together.She said we could go back to Philippines,maybe get married,I liked the idea.It seemed like my only dream in life could actualy come true.We were both still working at Sweetheart.End of 1998,I decided to get a job some where else,because all the people were talking about us,and telling me that she had lot of boyfriends,but I did not want to believe it.I would take food to her some times,for her break time at work.People would say I was crazy to do that because she would go to "Waffle House" with some other guy when she get off work.Also a long time Vietnamese friend and his wife moved in with me.He helped me get a job where he worked.He tell me too that I do so many things for my friend,but she not do any thing in return.Her mother would cook food for us to eat,and I very much appreciate that;her tatang was take me in like a son.But now it seems that the girl of my dreams is slowly slipping away,and with that my heart is torn.The time that she called for me,and my Vietnamese friend's wife answered the phone did not help things.Maybe she thought I have other girlfriend.In December,1998;I also did karaoke for a Filipino Christmas party in Alabama;she was upset with me that I was going to DJ for them.I had told them I would do it,so I could not say no.When she said she was mad at me I cried.So many feeling inside and no where for it to go,and no one to talk to.

Now year 1999,she have Mexican boyfriend,and she doing things I would never do without marriage.I heard it from a Mexican girl who worked in "El Arrollo" in Covington,Georgia.I heard that my friend was working at "Golden Corral",and once more I decided to get a job there too.I feel bad that I used this Mexican girl just to see if I could get some response from my friend,I was tell my friend that the Mexican girl was my girlfriend,but she did not seem to care.I went drinking in all the Mexican club just to look for her;I got so drunk one night that I got D.U.I. on my way home.This cost me over $1,000.00 and time in jail.My mom and dad came to Georgia after this happen,they were so discouraged because of me,but I am glad my family was here to help me,because I not know what to do.My family said maybe we should have never come state-side.All of this because of love and concern for my friend;I don't want to blame her for it though,I should not have care so much for her.It seems now that her personality is change,she is different from how she was previous years;but the feelings for her are still in my heart.I have now wrote many songs for her,at least I got back all the money I lose because of her;my songs are make good money for me.My personality has changed too because of her,I have learned not to care about any one but myself,and some times not even my self.Buti pang mamatay because there is nothing worth living for in America.Why is there no girl who would care to love me?My family had so many hopes for me and her,but now they are gone.I will continue to sing my songs,hoping some one will hear what I want to say.

Now it is 2001,it seems I still think of her.I try to stay busy working at "ABC Beverage Store",but I still have time to think about things.All my dreams are gone,why does love hurt so much.No one cares for me here in America.My parents need me for the money I send back home,but do they know my loneliness here.They want to see their dreams live through me.This girl I loved,she does not care for me,all the lies she heard about me,why would she.All the lies I've heard about her,I shouldn't love her,but I still do.Maybe love is blind.I can get drunk and try to forget her and my life,but gabi't araw I still think of her and what my future will be.Where will I go next?Maybe I should go back to Samoa,visit some of family still there;to Australia,my uncle lives there;America is not that great place that people say it is.But Conyers,GA;I have been here too long.Life is not simple any more;sing a kundiman to the love of your life,hope her family will accept you,hope she will open her window and listen.In Samoa and P.I. it is still like that,but even there is changing to be like America.It seem there is no sincere love.What did I do wrong?Ipagtapat ang pag-ibig ko,but does any one have feelings any more.I still want her to know how I feel "Bakit kita minahal?'Yan ay tanong ng pusong may suliraning tinataglay.If you did not care for me,I wish you tell me,I would not have waste 5 years on you."I know she will suffer because of her mistakes,she had her chance,but did not want it.She will suffer,not because of Gayuma,or because I know everything;but because every one makes their own destiny.Well,you may wonder if I have girlfriend now,I am still waiting to see what life will bring.I could be a babaero,sleep with a different girl every night,but I care too much for people to use them,and God will judge what you do in your life.As long as there is Heineken,555's and karaoke;I will try to be happy.In 1999 to 2000,I was use shabu and get so lasing every night,but why destroy my life because of some girl,there is so much opportunity for me.I was so depressed and my heart broken.There are so many broken hearts in the world,but how do you heal a broken heart.Now the whole world can know why I write the songs that I do;if some one can be helped by the songs I sing or what I wrote here;I will be happy.And to my friend's ima and tatang;I would love to visit,but the memories that I have is more than I can bear.I know God will bless you,you tried to make your children go the right way.And to American people;I do not want to say this country is all bad,but all that I have gain in this country,I have lost so much more.

Thanks so much to the following people:
To God first of all for life and salvation to all the world
To my best friend D----,you make me smile when no one else could
To my family for bring me into this world,and love and care for me
To the Hmong community and my clan,they give me so much advice about life
To my friend and her family
To Gayuma woman from Lubao,I not agree with every thing you said,but some was good
To all my friends in Florida and California
To my sister's husband family in Georgia,they was like family to me,help me in this country
To my Chinese friend,she was close to me when every one else forget me
To my Korean boss,he say this girl no good;and other employees who work with me,you are proof there is some good people in America
To "Cafe Sonata" and "Baan Thai" and all my friends there
And many other people I have met along the way,thank you so much.

I will continue to update this story,but only God knows what the ending will be.

Pablo